Dear Eating Disorder

Everyone believes that this is a quick fix, but no one understands unless you actually have lived through it. They look at me like I'm stupid for not be able to just fix this; like it was as easy as counting to five. What no one understands is what if... what if I don't want to fix this. What if it what does make me happy? I don't know how but what if that’s how it was, in the end if it was the only thing that made me happy. What am I supposed to do? We choose how to live our lives, so maybe I choose this. Of course that’s not really how it works, I was born with it, and I will die with it. So everyone just has to realize that it won't just go away. It will stay, yes it can be silence for a while, but it will be back. It always comes back. Maybe I don't want to be happy; maybe this is how my life is supposed to be. I don't believe that. I know it will get better, but for now my mind is feeding me all the negative things. And that is what I'm living off of. People may try and fix me, but it will go away when it’s meant to go away. Then it will come back when it’s meant to. 

So I guess I'm running from my problems. Well fuck you Shane you can just shut the fuck up. Running is my life, and I don't give a shit what you have to say or what you think. You think it’s as simple as just eating. Well fuck you. I eat and feel like fucking shit, so if you think you know everything you need to just shut the hell up and get a goddamn life. Okay so you will at one time told you had an eating disorder, but if it was as easy to fix as you said it was, well then it wasn't really a true eating disorder. You don't know what it’s like to live in my shoes. Yours just a guy who thinks he knows everything, well I want to tell you something you don't..