Dear Eating Disorder

This stupid disorder is sucking the life, hopes and dreams out of me. I feel lost, like I'm losing myself, and if I don't myself back soon it will be too late. I will forever be a different person, someone no one will love. I just can't go through each day putting a stupid fucking smile on my face, a smile that means nothing. Its just like to hide how I really feel, and the real feelings are horrible. I can't focus on anything. I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to go back when I was a normal little girl with no issues. But I'm here a girl who is almost 20 that has too many issues, and can't take it anymore. I need them to just go away, I need help, but there really isn't much help here. I guess I will just have to keep pushing myself to get through this. . .