This has been a lovely way to start off my second term, it’s like bad luck after bad luck has been thrown in my directions. My first term wasn't perfect either so of course I should have seen this coming, oh but wait in reality I did see this coming. I just didn't want to believe it. I'm sitting here trying to study for a biology exam, and all that’s going through my mind is how gross I feel. And it makes me feel pathetic; It seemed like everything was getting better but then of course it never does. Life isn't perfect so I will just have to face reality and go with it. I look at myself and just see someone that is pathetic, and slowly I feel my emotions going away. I feel that it’s going to be me faking being happy again like I have been, but the last week I wasn't faking it. I feel like I'm getting better, but as the feeling occurs to me I feel my walls being built higher and stronger. I feel myself resisting the help and not wanting it, when really I just want to be better. I want to be semi-normal, but I'm never going to be that way. I'm always going to be this messed up girl who will always have a problem that isn't fixable. I take medications every day, and the thing is if I didn't take those... I don't think I would be here right now. Why do I have to take these stupid pills to feel one ounce of happiness? Why am I resisting the help, resisting when I feel myself getting better, and resisting living a happy life? I really don't know all I know is that it will get better; I just have to believe and stop myself from pushing help away. I just have to have faith that I won’t be like this for the rest of my life.
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