every time I do, all I can hear is your voice telling me it’s all my fault that I’m gross and fat, and how I should be ashamed of myself for letting it happen. I try so hard to ignore you, but you aregetting stronger. I’m really afraid this time will be the time where this disorder or whatever you are gets to a point I have to go to the hospital and get treatment. I haven’t really had much food today, yet I feel like I eat a ton. I feel fat and gross, and I can’t help but feel any other way, because that is all I see when I look at myself. I’m pathetic and weak, I can’t even complete the one thing my body wants. I’m not strong enough to listen and do what you say. I don’t have the will power to not eat. If only I could run… That would fix everything. My depression is creeping in on me, and its making this whole situation worse. My medicine that I have been taking for god knows how many years, is starting to stop working. It seems to go in a pattern, it works
amazingly for a very long time and then slowly it just stops and your stupid voice gets louder. I mean haven’t I had enough bad things happen to me these last seven months. Why does this need to happen. What did I ever do to deserve to have to live like this? I know if I had my family here it would somehow get
solved… but maybe I’m already too far along for your voice to just magically just slowly fade away from my life. Even if that were to happen, I know you would be back, just when my medicine stops working you will slowly creep into my life once again. So why fight it? That should be an easy question to answer
but right now I just don’t have the motivation to try and fight this. Tomorrow should be a better day. Its Friday… Friday’s are usually good days. Let’s hope tomorrow is a great day, let’s hope your voice is too soft for me to hear you tomorrow. Let’s help you just go away.
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