You’re alive, it’s not like you’re dying. Yes my heart is beating, and yes I’m breathing, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m dying on the inside. I have gone through this stupid disorder, disease whatever the hell you want to call it for many years, yes I may have said it makes me stronger, but what if it’s the exact opposite. What if every time I get it again it is slowing making me weaker, slowing killing me from the inside out.
They say the devil comes to steal, to kill, and to destroy. He is the voice in my mind, is what others are telling me, they also tell me he is only feeding me lies. I tell myself I can pray for it to go away, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to do that. Does that mean his grip on me is so tight, I can’t tell myself to ask for help? His goal is to steal my soul; he wants to achieve this by destroying me through my mind and slowly killing me. So yes maybe, I’m alive but slowly I feel like my true self is dying, fading away, until I am no longer myself anymore. Everything happens for a reason, and everyone has a path they were born to. I hear once you find your path; it’s the best moment in your life. I believe that for some reason this is supposed to happen to me, and something good will come out of it. I don’t know what yet, but there is a reason for everything. What’s the reasoning behind me suffering, I really don’t know. I won’t know until I die, but for now I just have to fight it. And hope that it doesn’t destroy my true self.
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