Dear Eating Disorder

Why is it so difficult for me to ask for help? Why do I see seeking help as someone giving up? Why do I have to be so strong headed about this whole situation? And finally why can't I just face reality? This reality of how I believe working out is what encourages the voice in my head to speak louder. I was told not to do any ab workouts due to a concussion, but since yesterday after biking for only about ten minutes and doing some simple exercises the voice is stronger. And it’s telling me to do stupid things and I'm listening, so I did a pretty intense ab workout and now feel like shit. I'm dizzy as hell, my breathing is off, and my head hurts, all the things the trainer didn't want to happen. Of course I had to be stupid and strong headed and do a workout I wasn't supposed to do. They said I could do a ten minute bike workout. Nope I did an ab workout in which during I nearly passed out a feel times. Oh but at least my inner mind was happy, but truly I'm not happy. I need to face this reality, and realize that it’s not going to get better on its own. And I need to just suck it up and get help, but I don't have time for all of this. I'm in college full time; I have a biology exam on Monday, labs Tuesday and Wednesday along with classes and going to the trainers each day after biology or around 1:30. Its either I push me to the limits to get through this term with no help, or... I drop my classes and get some serious help. As one can guess, of course I'm going to choose and just push through this term. Unless, of course I seriously have to drop my classes, because it turns into a life or death situation, then I will have to do what is best for my life. So I must stay strong and push through just like I always do. Just barely making it by, but at least I'm living right. So I have to just keep myself as happy as possible study hard and play less.