Today, started off pretty well, didn’t feel so great this morning. But I was successful in not eating very much this morning. Just some special K bars and oats and honey bars. I felt really good. Then went to the trainings and they told me I can’t run for the rest of the week. This scared me, because now I’m worried about having to eat less, since I won’t be burning off as much calories. I went to lab and then afterwards went to dinner. Ate too much, well maybe not for most people, but you said that it was way too much for me. I was talking with friends laughing and having a good time, while all I couldn’t think about was how full I felt. And feeling full to most people is a good thing. For me it’s like the worse thing ever, I just felt sick to my stomach. So I put my nice smile on, that no one can see through and walked back to my dorm. I told my friend I was going to get some stuff and then went to my room and tried to make myself throw up. I was unsuccessful. Like always, I never seem to be able to make myself throw up. So now I get to feel like shit, as you tell me how fat and gross I am, until I go to sleep and start fresh tomorrow. It really sucks to go to sleep most nights in tears, because of everything you have to hold in throughout the day. The night is the time I’m alone and am able to just let the tears fall, it really doesn’t help but at least it means I ‘m still feeling emotions.
No comments:
Post a Comment