Day Five: Alone
Today, well it has been a long Friday, just two classes, but for some reason it seemed like a very long day. I ate a pretty good breakfast, some organic soymilk with some healthy cereal and an organic strawberry yogurt with some blueberries put in it. It was my lunch and breakfast. For dinner, well I ate somewhat of a salad and three cookies. Oh and I had a smoothie. My stomach is telling me I’m really hungry but my mind is telling me just to go to bed and it will pass. Today was a good day at first. Your voice was there but I blocked you out pretty well. Then my depression got to me, which has come back ever since my medicine just magically stopped working. I didn’t really want to be around anyone, just wanted to be in my room alone and listen to soft mellow music. Which I did for a long time; I’m pretty good at avoiding people when I’m really not in the mood to talk to anyone. After around 6ish, I hung out with a bunch of friends. We watched 1000 ways to die, and just talked. Then played a long game of apples to apples, in which I was in a great mood. I invited the guy I have still have feelings for but need to get over to come and play apples to apples with us. He said he was at his sister then asked when and where. I said I didn’t know, so I expected him to text me when he got back. Nope he randomly texted me and was like so when are we going to play those games, and I’m like we just started. He was like oh well I guess I will just stay here with Daniel since I really wasn’t invited. Then about how Daniel is more fun anyways. I told him I did invite him, and he just was being a dick, and then finally said its okay I’m going to Wal-Mart with Daniel instead, I will text you when I get back. This just ruined my mood, because he seems like the nicest guy, but I guess he’s just a dick to me. I don’t see why he doesn’t treat me like he treats everyone else, did I do something wrong. And that’s when your stupid voice comes in and tells me of course you did your disgusting, fat, and a waste of someone’s time. Then everyone decided to go to Denny’s but he was going so I decided I would just same here, alone. I rather be alone then be treated like shit… I already have a lot going on with me right now, so I don’t need to be treated like trash. So I will try and stay away from him, because the more I’m around him, the louder your voice gets. This will be hard, because all of my friends hang out with him, and most of my classes he is in with me. This term is not going to be good. You just had to show up at the worse time. I wish I could run, that would fix it all. Running is my drug, without it I’m not myself. I wish I could just be normal, I wish I didn’t have to live through this shit over and over again. I just don’t understand what I did wrong to deserve to live like this... I feel so alone. 
Today, well it has been a long Friday, just two classes, but for some reason it seemed like a very long day. I ate a pretty good breakfast, some organic soymilk with some healthy cereal and an organic strawberry yogurt with some blueberries put in it. It was my lunch and breakfast. For dinner, well I ate somewhat of a salad and three cookies. Oh and I had a smoothie. My stomach is telling me I’m really hungry but my mind is telling me just to go to bed and it will pass. Today was a good day at first. Your voice was there but I blocked you out pretty well. Then my depression got to me, which has come back ever since my medicine just magically stopped working. I didn’t really want to be around anyone, just wanted to be in my room alone and listen to soft mellow music. Which I did for a long time; I’m pretty good at avoiding people when I’m really not in the mood to talk to anyone. After around 6ish, I hung out with a bunch of friends. We watched 1000 ways to die, and just talked. Then played a long game of apples to apples, in which I was in a great mood. I invited the guy I have still have feelings for but need to get over to come and play apples to apples with us. He said he was at his sister then asked when and where. I said I didn’t know, so I expected him to text me when he got back. Nope he randomly texted me and was like so when are we going to play those games, and I’m like we just started. He was like oh well I guess I will just stay here with Daniel since I really wasn’t invited. Then about how Daniel is more fun anyways. I told him I did invite him, and he just was being a dick, and then finally said its okay I’m going to Wal-Mart with Daniel instead, I will text you when I get back. This just ruined my mood, because he seems like the nicest guy, but I guess he’s just a dick to me. I don’t see why he doesn’t treat me like he treats everyone else, did I do something wrong. And that’s when your stupid voice comes in and tells me of course you did your disgusting, fat, and a waste of someone’s time. Then everyone decided to go to Denny’s but he was going so I decided I would just same here, alone. I rather be alone then be treated like shit… I already have a lot going on with me right now, so I don’t need to be treated like trash. So I will try and stay away from him, because the more I’m around him, the louder your voice gets. This will be hard, because all of my friends hang out with him, and most of my classes he is in with me. This term is not going to be good. You just had to show up at the worse time. I wish I could run, that would fix it all. Running is my drug, without it I’m not myself. I wish I could just be normal, I wish I didn’t have to live through this shit over and over again. I just don’t understand what I did wrong to deserve to live like this... I feel so alone. 
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ReplyDeletehe sounds like he is being a huge dick.
ReplyDeletei would just ignore him tiff, honestly i would.
i know that you have classes together and such and the same group of friends in all.
so there isn't too much you can do. but there is something you can do. you don't have to text him, or go out of your way to include him. just treat him like any other friend.
it seems like right now he feels like he is in control. like he counts on you to invite him and tell him things and he knows he can be a little mean and you will still come back and talk to him. ignore him for awhile and maybe the tables will turn and things will get better.
but do something for you. turn the tables, you be in control.