Decisions...

Life is too short to be unhappy, what I need to do is realize that my happiness is what matters. If I'm unhappy doing something it must mean I need to be doing something us. I need to be somewhere else, this is one of the hardest decisions to make. Its like telling the world I give up, I'm done trying to just push through. I'm giving up because I'm choosing to get help. I just need to start seeing it as not giving up but the decision to try and chance my life in a way that I'm happy. I shouldn't be living in the beautiful world with no happiness in my heart and soul. Why are decisions always so hard? Maybe because why making the decision there is a million things running through your mind. Like your a giving up so you don't deserve to be happy, you're not worth helping, you're pathetic, you should be ashamed of yourself, no one loves people who just give up, you're not strong enough to make it through, you're weak, stupid, ugly, fat, slow, crazy, and a million other things. But in reality I am strong, because I know deep down that this is one of the hardest decision one could make, and by being able to realize I need help makes me strong. Makes me a fighter, because I'm not just giving up, I'm getting help so I can be happy. So I can enjoy this amazing world, enjoy being with my amazing family for many more years, enjoy living a life I'm happy to be living, and enjoy the fact that I'm still living. Because there are so many thoughts going through my head, thoughts to end my life, and if I don't get help I'm so afraid that the worse could happen. I can't do this to my family and friends, and I can't do this to myself. I'm deciding to live, I'm deciding to change so I can be happy again, I'm deciding that I need to ask for help because we can't always do everything on our own no matter how hard we try. Ever now and then people will either be forced to realize they need to get help or they will just get worse. I don't want to get worse, I want to change I want to be happy, I don't want to live this beautiful world before it is my time to actually go. I want to make a difference in this world, I want to help others, and for me to do this I must first help myself.